Top 5 small things that ruins your day

1. Your car's fuel indicator.

You wake up fresh as a daisy, feeling great after a cup of coffee and ready to hit a hard day's work. But, oh wait, of course. The moment you start your car, that glorious little meter in the right or left corner of your dashboard shows that your petrol is so low that you'll be lucky to make it all the way to work. As this vision hits your eyes you can feel the cash flowing out of your wallet. Because nowadays you pay for petrol to be able to go to work, to be able to get a salary, to be able to pay for petrol.

2. Impractical office furniture.

For some reason, no matter how hard you try, you WILL knock a knee, hand or elbow against a very sharp edge of your desk. Other objects where impact occurs: door handles, sideways-opening kitchen cupboard, that small corner of the wall that you can only hit with your small toe, and of course drawers that conveniently close when your little finger is still fully extended inside.

3. Spam

By now I've won 3 Mercedes SLK's, the UK Lottery twice, I've received 10 packs of free sexual enhancement drugs and more or less 50 iPhones. I must be the luckiest guy on the planet. If I ever meet the person sending all these emails, i will shove the iPhones in his ear, drive over him with the Mercedes while forcing him to listen to the British national anthem.

4. USN Commercials


Nothing puts you on an early winter guilt trip quite like those USN commercials. You know the ones, where people instantly transform their lives in 12 weeks, and then they tell you to take the next step. Now I really believe that all those products and some exercise will help, but the before and after pictures are what baffles me. A completely bald headed guy will have a full flowing lock of hair after his transformation, and it also seems as though it's a hair removal product as well. Most of the guys start of with the chest of a gorilla and then after 12 weeks, boom, smooth as a baby's bottom on a Pampers ad.


5. Cold toilet seats


Like getting up during winter isn't hard enough, there's always for some reason a call of nature that strikes at about 6:30 am. Most of the time you're in such a mad rush to make it to the toilet in time, that you never consider the fact that the seat has spent the night freezing up. And then that glorious moment when your bare ass hits the seat, you quickly find yourself wondering if you're on the toilet or busy dipping your bottom into a open hole in the Antarctic ice-caps.


Tell me your small things that ruin your day. I'm sure there's quite a few out there.

Crazy movie moments project

So I'm in love with movies. Over the weekends, you're more than likely to spot me inside a Look 'n Listen or Musica with an armful of DVDs in my hand. I love the iconic moments in movies like the horse scene in the Godfather or the dancing scene in Pulp Fiction and I always wanted to see what other people's favourites are. So I'm starting the movie moments project! (Sorry, I couldn't think of a better title)

I want everybody who reads my blog and shares my love for movies to draw, sketch, design , write or paint me their favourite movie scenes or posters. I don't care if it's stickmen or some crazy artistic design. Send me a visual interpretation of some of your favourite movies. I will post all these designs on my blog and let's see what crazy stuff we can come up with. Comment on this post if you want to send something and I'll pop you my email address. Let's get cracking cinephiles.

Things I want to do before the end of 2011

So the 21st of May 2011 came and gone and there was no rapture. No fireball hurling towards. No cracks appearing in the ground, swallowing people to the core. Now, I still believe that the people who came up with this ludicrous prophecy are a bunch of money hungry con men. But they did get me thinking. If the world really did end, what are the few things that I would regret never doing. Now I'm pretty sure the world won't end anytime soon. At least not before South Africa has internet that's fast enough that you don't have to wait for YouTube to buffer. But just in case, I thought I would make a list of stuff I want to do before 2011 comes to an end.

1. Do stand-up comedy

I've always loved performing and making people laugh. But only from last year did I actually think of trying stand-up. A famous comedian and radio personality had a competition for aspiring comics to tell a few jokes and then win a spot to be his opening act. Not thinking much about it I gave it a shot, and was one of the 4 finalists! Unfortunately I lost out to someone a lot better, but I still felt really proud. Ever since then I've had it in my head to do comedy at an open mic night. I've typed so much material I could do a 2 hour show but I guess that epic fear of failure is always there. You know, telling a joke and nobody laughs and all you hear is the sound of crickets? But before this year ends I'm going to give it a shot, no matter how hard I fail.

2. Win a Pendoring

For those of you who don't know a Pendoring looks a little something like this:

The Pendoring awards are given out for great advertising in Afrikaans. Now South Africa already have the Loerie advertising awards but I still firmly believe that winning a Pendoring is a much harder task. The reason is simple if you produce a great ad in English, it will be loved by any and all South Africans. But to create something in Afrikaans and grab the attention of Afrikaans people is a lot more difficult. Now the picture I posted is one I won as a student last year. But I'm the big bad ad industry now and would love nothing more than to win one of these for work done for my agency.

3. Rock a proper party

I've come to realise that how much stuff you start missing out on when you're life gets consumed by the pressure of work, performing at work and of course, the actual task of doing work. I can't think of the last time that I properly hung out with all my friends, have a few drinks with them and just enjoy good times, good drinks and proper conversation. But that's all about to change. I've got two parties in mind. The first one will be a proper Mad Men party. I reckoned having this on my birthday would be awesome. All the guys can rock the classic 50's suits as we sip on some whisky and light up cigars, while listening to Let's Twist Again. And the ladies can all kick it old school with the stylish stuff they used to wear in the 50's.

The second one will definitely have to be a good old Halloween party. Everybody can dress how they want, no matter how crazy. But the crazy costumes are a must.

4. Get something published

Yes I know, having a blog is some way of getting published. But I think any good writer worth his/her salt wants to get published in some sort of public media e.g. newspaper, magazine etc. I would love to see a piece of writing from myself published in either GQ, Playboy, Migrate magazine or any established newspaper. I just have so may short story ideas, and I plan to get them all on paper and then risk my hand at sending them to publications.

 
5. Take more photographs


I've always loved photos. There's something amazing about moments captured in time. Living in a great city like JHB gives me so much chance to take great photographs and before the end of the year I want to get myself either a proper digital camera like this bad boy:

or a crazy vintage Polaroid camera for those crazy moments where I just have to see the photo immediately.

So there's my list of things to do before the end of 2011. I reckon most of them are reachable. I just have to find or make time and make a proper effort to reach all of them in time. If you've got some crazy stuff you wanna do before 2012 comes along hit me with a comment.

All images are copyright protected by their respective owners. No copyright infringement was intended by posting them on this blog.

What does it mean being a kid these days?

Recently I was amazed to find out how many kids, and by kids I mean primary school, own cellphones and iPods. Some of the more rich kids even have iPad's. Now I'm all for bringing technology into our lives. I run a blog, constantly check my Twitter for updates by all those I follow and get all my news from the Internet. But what purpose does a cellphone serve in a 12 year old child's life? Sure, Mommy and Daddy are concerned and probably want to have a communication tool to keep tabs on poor little Johnny, and a good old Nokia 3310 will achieve that. But I see little kids walking around in shopping malls with freaking 3G phones and using Mxit. What happened to getting dropped off at your bud's place while your Mom and Dad go to the boring (back then) shopping mall? This made me wonder how things have changed.

When I was 10-12 years old there was nothing cooler than playing cricket in the yard, doing doughnuts with your bicycle in the street and playing till 8pm at night when your mom tries to drag you back into the house. You feel your knees open to the bone, scraped your arms against something rough and got dirty because it was fun. Take-away dinners were something that happened maybe ONCE in a month. Other than that you had to begrudgingly digest Mom's cooking, and if you didn't, you went hungry. Simple as that. Nowadays mom has to make what the kids want because all the child psychologists say that you HAVE to please a child. This leads to mom not knowing what to make and she simply buys McDonald's. When mom arrives with the greasy delights, the kids are unhappy because they don't like the toy that comes with the meal.

After the meal, mom and dad try to relax but not without letting the kids watch Hannah Montana or Ben 10. By the way, when did kids shows start airing at 8 o' clock at night? Back in the day 3pm to 5pm was prime time kids viewing. You could sit and stare at the Power Rangers kicking an over sized monster's ass, laugh at Darkwing Duck, wish you were as cool as the Biker Mice from Mars and dream of owning your own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Now you have shows where kids are being taught valuable life lessons and where the star of the show breaks into song every 5 minutes.

Another weird thing is the way children think about education. Remember the good old days where you're teacher had authority and homework was still necessary. These days you hear about teachers getting fired because they called a child out in front of the class for not doing their work. I wish that was the only consequence when I was in school. My teacher would give me the old wooden ruler to the hand if I was mischievous in class. I would then proceed to go home and tell my parents, and they would then call the teacher. Not to say "Don't you dare discipline my child!", but rather to say "Is that all he gets? Next time phone us and we'll come do it as well."

I don't know. Maybe I wasn't spoiled enough as a child or maybe I'm just not accepting the changes happening in society. But kids aren't kids anymore... I put together a little montage of cool stuff from my day as a kid! Hope you guys enjoy! Comment and let me know of the cool stuff you used to when you were a kid and how thing have changed.

All cartooons are property of cartoonstock.com and all videos are property of YouTube.com. No copyright is intended.

Advertising: An industry still capable of magic

Normally when I tell people I'm a copywriter they seem extremely interested and start asking me questions like "So what law degree do you need for that?" or "You're probably gonna search my house for pirate DVDs?" Sooner rather than later I correct them with the fact that being a copywriter means I work in advertising, and quickly their opinions change. Yes, some advertising is bad and yes, some advertising forces products down your throat but more often than not advertising creates a little bit of magic. It tells a feel good story that doesn't necessarily make you buy the product but makes you remember the brand. I've compiled a list of a few ads that make advertising a worthy career. If I create one ad in my lifetime that's half as good as any of these I'll die a happy man.

1. Puma - Chorus

It's a bunch of soccer hooligans singing one of the most renowned love songs of all time and declaring their undying love for football. Within weeks various 'chorus' videos popped up on YouTube as users declared their love for football. 

2. Topsy Foundation - Selinah

In the last decade there has not been a South African ad as powerful and far reaching as this one. Simply brilliant.

3. VW - The Force

You don't see how fast the car can go, you don't see anything special about the car, and you don't see any part of the boy's face. Will I go buy the car because of this ad? Hell yes.

4. Heineken - Men with Talent

A great spoof on all the talent shows currently doing the rounds on TV. Heineken have always been renowned for their brilliant ads and this one adds to their arsenal.

 

 

5. Chicken Licken - Bunker

 

This ad for Chicken Licken took the very sensitive and 'done to death' subject of Apartheid in South Africa and poked fun with it in the most incredible way.

6. BMW - Mouse

 

To this very day people still think this ad was done in America or Great Britain but it's proudly South African. If memory serves me correct this was done in the late 80's, early 90's and still considered as one of the greatest car commercials ever.

 

 

7. Guiness - Surfer

This ad looks more like a short Hollywood film. But when all the mesmerizing visuals and brilliant narration is over you still know that 'Good things come to those who wait.'

8. Evian - Roller Babies

 

This ad did not run on TV once. But in the times we live in, having 39 million hits on YouTube says something about the quality of the commercial. If this ad doesn't want to make you live young, nothing will.

 

 

9. Apple - 1984

 

Back in the 1980's a small computer company was trying to enter the market place. But with big companies like IBM and Microsoft leading the way, how do you cause a stir? Like this. It might not look like much, but this was the kick start to Apple's rising popularity.

10. Nolan's Cheddar - Mouse

 

Did it win any awards? No. Do a lot of people know it? No. But this commercial will leave you smiling and have you singing along. P.S. Don't turn stop halfway through!

So there's my list of commercials that create a little bit of magic. Please tell me if you agree and if not tell me which commercials you think is also 'magical'.

Please note: All commercials are property of their various companies and advertising agencies and no copyright infringement is intended.

Why am I so against Afrikaans music?

I'm very outspoken about Afrikaans music and regularly get lambasted by family and friends for not being more positive about it. Now I've always been a big fan of Afrikaans music. Sure, stuff like Kurt Darren and Juanita du Plessis don't exactly get me putting the volume up on my iPod, but these guys have a target market and make ORIGINAL music specifically for them. Please note my CAPS LOCK being on for the word original. I started to develop a slight dislike for Afrikaans music when a certain Nicholis Louw burst onto the scene with this massive Afrikaans hit.

This song got extensive airplay when it was released and Nicholis Louw shot to stardom in an instant. Ou tannies from Centurion to Cape Town went gaga for his dance moves, not-so-stylishly gelled hair and oversize Doc Martins. However, when I first heard the song I became very suspicious about it's catchy beat and melody. And then I remembered that I've heard this before...

Yes, the great original version by Nicholis is not original after all. Afrikaans artists have always been renowned for covering other songs e.g. Steve Hofmeyr releasing 2 Neil Diamond CDs. But this act of copying by Mr. Louw just screams "let's use that other catchy tune and put Afrikaans words in it to sell as a sokkie hit". And I thought that it would stop there but it didn't. Take a look at this one.

Not a bad song and obviously just as popular upon release. But wait for it...

Poor O-Zone must wonder how this ever happened? I truly wonder if there was royalty fees involved when their songs were used by our local artists. Now I'm not saying that the international versions are great, but they're significantly better than the local ones and much more original.

So there you go. Whenever I get asked why are you so against Afrikaans music etc. etc. I will purely point people towards this blog post.

P.S. If you do a cover, admit it's a cover and do it well, like local boys Van Coke Kartel doing a cover of the 80's classic Maniac.

All videos contain copyright to the relevant parties and are purely here for demonstration purposes.

Run for Cover!

In any music store today you'll get bombarded with albums like Bump Volume 523 or BOOM! Volume 524. Now I have to admit that I did buy my fair share of Bump albums back in the day but these days they are rife with Europop covers of Sweet Dreams, Girls just wanna have fun and every Depeche Mode song ever made. But I do believe that there are still some covers that are just as good if not better than the original and I thought I would share my top 5 with you. Now most of these are pretty hardcore but just sit back and enjoy.

1. Toxic - Static Lullaby
Never has a Britney Spears song sounded this edgy and hardcore whilst still keeping the lyrics quite relevant.

2. Just don't know what to do with myself - The White Stripes
Great song, great cover version, great music video. I still want this on Vinyl!

3. Tainted Love - Marilyn Manson
Now I've never been a fan of Manson, and no I'm not gonna start a religious debate. This is just a rocking cover of the 80's hit Tainted Love. And it was the soundtrack to the best spoof movie ever, Not Another Teen Movie.

4.Shout - Disturbed
This song was originally made by Tears for Fears, and recently Danny K and a bunch of SA musicians covered it and used it for an anti-crime initiative. The cover was bad. Some rapping, Steve Hofmeyr and celebs singing together? Not good. Disturbed did this a lot better and it makes you wanna shout the lyrics!

5. Kaptein - Straatligkinders
Surely you didn't think I wasn't going to drop an Afrikaans song on the list? First listen to the original, if you can make it halfway you've do well...

And now the awesome cover done by Straatligkinders...

Hope the bit of musical inspiration got your Thursday going!!!

Please note that all music and music videos are owned by the artists, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Top 10 things every guy in a long term relationship should know.

1. Chick Flicks are a given. There's no way of fighting it. These tear jerkers will become much more frequent in your life and a lot of the times you will get the odd stare saying: "Why can't you be more like that guy in that movie?" Popular choices among the female race are: You got mail, P.S. I love you, When Harry met Sally and the queen mother of them all, The Notebook.

2. Whenever she says "Don't worry I'll pay", it only means that once you get to the pay window at the Drive-thru she'll give you a doe-eyed look that screams "I'd rather spend this money on skin cream that costs R400/ml over the weekend." So inevitably you end up paying, feeling like a gentleman and feeling R100 poorer.

3. Whenever you ask "Can I help you with something?" she will ALWAYS say "don't worry it's okay". Don't fall into this trap boys. You will more than likely get the silent treatment later on in the night for not helping. I know what you're thinking, she already said don't worry. That's where you're wrong. It subconsciously means just get up and do something, even if it's moving the TV 2 inches to the left.

4. You will see your girlfriend try on 4 pairs of shoes, which end up to be the exact same pair every time. She won't like it the first time, she will the second time, they'll be the wrong colour the 3rd time and on the 4th try she will either buy them or storm out the store complaining about how there's nothing she ever likes.

5. Brad Pitt, Gerard Butler, The Twilight, Vampire Diaries and True Blood boys will always make their knees weak. But those fellows wont be the ones killing a spider she found in the bathroom at 11 o' clock at night.

6. Moodswings. They're no Urban Myth, they happen. Your other half will sometimes get the urge to change from Kind, Warm and Loving to Cold-hearted, Ruthlesss and Over-Emotional.

7. Move along the GQ's, Playboys, FHM's. Your rack of magazines will soon include Cosmo, Woman's Health and Heat. Don't fight it guys. Read up. It's like having another team's playbook.

8. She will have friends that she hates, loves, hates, loves, hates and love again. All in one week. Try to keep up and react accordingly when coming across them in public.

9. There will always be the ex that was like Superman, Chuck Norris, The Bachelor and MacGyver all in one.

10. Don't try watching long sessions of sport. Stick to a 2 hour game of rugby at most. And be prepared to hop to Isidingo or 7de Laan every 5 minutes. This will more than likely happen at the very moment of a try being scored. Just grin and bear it.

Cartoon done by Kevin Spear of kevinspear.com